5 Reasons Why Sunnydale Is NOT a “one Starbucks town”

Sunnydale is one Hellmouth of a town (ahahaha…ok, not funny). It’s the perfect horror-movie cliche of the quiet little innocent town which is either secretly or eventually overrun by vampires, demons and/or the forces of darkness. With all that brewing in and beneath the ridiculously expansive sewer system, stats like Sunnydale (pop. < 40,000) being home to 42 churches and 12 cemeteries seem about right.

However, early on in the series (re: Welcome to the Hellmouth aka the Pilot), Xander establishes that “not much goes on in a one Starbucks little town like Sunnydale.” Maybe it was because Xander didn’t get out much or read the local news, maybe it was because he was just so lovebly naive back in the day, or maybe it was a throwaway line in an episode that has its continuity shattered again and again as the series progresses. But if you watch the whole series, I mean really watch it with a magnifying glass, you may find subtle details that seem to contradict that very statement. Or, if you have optical nerves which connect to your brain, you may notice these 5 pieces of evidence that hilariously fly in the face of Xander’s claim.

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5. Sunnydale Museum

Field Trip to the *Local* Museum

As Evidenced In: Inca Mummy Girl, Becomming

Believability Factor: 7

It’s possible that a supposed small town in the middle of nowhere (see: crater in the desert in Chosen) could have a museum. I think one of the little towns north of my city has one. However, its a pilgrim museum; no way in Hellmouth is there ANY dinosaur bones there, let alone fully assembled dinosaurs. That kind of crazy affront to Creatonism is saved for museums with “National” or “Museum of” in the title. Yet, this being Sunnydale, it is plausible that the gross muddy box which housed Acathla in Becomming was sent to the museum there. Though, I think the best bet for the revenues of said museum if it wants to stay accurate and keep true to its heritage would be to display stuff that Buffy killed and call it the “Museum of Freaky Weird Sh*t.”

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4. Sunnydale Zoo

"Ok Kids. Who wants to get possessed?!"

As Evidenced In: The Pack

Believability Factor: 5

Now, don’t get me wrong; the Pack is a great episode. My favourite standalone of the first season. You get to see pretty early on that the writers aren’t going all cliche with vampire and witches stories; I mean, Hyena possession? Where the hell’d they get that one? Kudos.

But wasn’t this also the season that Xander first uttered the words “one Starbucks town?” Elephants aren’t exactly growing on trees these days, thank you very much ivory hunters. You’d think a town that can get on the registry for Lions and Tigers and Bears (oh my!) would warrant at least a second Starbucks. Or an In-Zoo Dunkin’ Donuts.

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3. Sunnydale High and *Other* Local High Schools

Sunnydale High is the only high school shown, but not the only one mentioned.

As Evidenced In: Buffy Seasons 1-3, Some Assembly Required ( Fondren High), Reptile Boy (Kent Preparatory School), Dead Man’s Party (Miss Porter’s All Girls School)

Believability Factor: 4

Sunnydale High, though home to some of the vilest creatures hell ever spit forth (see: Snyder), is a very nice looking big high school. A BIG high school. It’s rather large, and from seeing it in various angles (and getting lost in it while playing Chaos Bleeds), I think it’s rather plausible that it could handle several thousand students. With Sunnydale’s population being between 30 and 40 thousand, and overcrowded classrooms being the trendy way to go nowadays, Sunnydale seems more than equipped to handle the pimpled and pretty youth from around town.

But there is reference to 3 other schools within the city limits. All realism about too many schools aside; how the hell are they maintaining a robust enough student body to keep government funding? I mean, Sunnydale High during its good months still had to deal with at least one death per week, culminating in the school’s obits section. Remember why Buffy got the “Class Protector” award in The Prom? It was for Sunnydale High’s Class of ‘99 having the lowest mortality rate in the school’s history. The *lowest* rate of mortality. That means even the Slayer couldn’t stop the killing completely at her own high school. Remember the episode The Wish? With Buffy enrolled elsewhere, that’s what it must be like at those other Sunnydale high schools every day. Chew on that for a bit before you pat Buffy on the back. You’d think that in those three years she coulda made ONE trip across town, Razorback pride be damned.

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2. Sunnydale Airport

"...and then we had one HELL of a layover in some nothing town..."

As Evidenced In: What’s My Line (Pt 1), Bargaining (Pt 1)

Plausibility Factor: 2

The only way that a supposedly small town like Sunnydale should be home to a frikkin’ airport is if its the only damn thing in the town and its surrounded by much larger, much more important towns. That is not the case with Sunny D; the town is supposedly the only one around for miles. The Scooby gang often overlook the Airport when watching out for scary things to roll into town (like parts of the Judge in Surprise), preferring to stake-out the more plausible bus station, the somewhat likely train station and the geographically questionable harbour (see, again: crater in the desert). One thing you can say for Sunnydale; if you want to get there, you sure as hell can find a way by plane, train or automobile. Though it makes very little sense that anyone not fighting for good or evil would *want* to catch a quick flight there, I can think of 40,000 brainless innocents who should have saved up their Air-Miles and caught the first flight to anywhere else.

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1. U.C. Sunnydale

I don't even want to know what this campus specializes in...

The University of California currently has 10 campuses, but 11 if you like your world to include fictional places. That’s right; the quiet town has its own university. Let that sink in. Is it sunk? Good. Because that’s not why I raise my eyebrow at it’s existence. I don’t even raise my eyebrow at the student populous who choose to go to Sunnydale, since they are either extremely stupid or extremely dull. Sunnydale has a LOT of dead people, but very few happening places like the Bronze. But if people can choose to live there with all that going on and turn a blind eye, then why the hell not choose to go to school and keep your head in your textbooks or be too drunk to care?

No, the reason that UC Sunnydale’s existence does not compute goes back to the exact phrasing of Xander’s original statement, “one Starbucks town.” Umm, I’m not sure if the writers of Buffy (god bless ‘em, I worship them so) have ever been to university, or even met a college student, but there’s something everyone should know about us as a whole: we f*cking love caffeine. Scratch that; we need it. We use it as our sustenance when we skip breakfast and forget to eat lunch. Who needs solid food when the liquidy goodness of ground coffee beans can get us through that morning lecture after working part time and staying up until 2 a.m. on facebook (or staking the undead)? Keeners who read too many nutrition magazines, that’s who. Caffeine is what allowed me to write this post.

We post-secondary school types would make the coffee ourselves except for the fact that a) we’re too damn busy (reading, working, Facebook) and b) we’re physically incapable (i.e. lazy). That’s where gloriously overpriced drug-dealers like Starbucks and Tim Hortons and Second Cup and Timothy’s and Coffee Time come into play (I’m Canadian, ok? We love our coffee and donut shops). I can’t even count the number of the above stores that are on and surrounding my campus, and there are still always lines. I can believe that Sunnydale citizens are too dumb to notice gaping neck wounds night after night, but I can’t believe that only the owner of the Espresso Pump is smart enough to capitalize on students who not only need coffee to pull an all-nighter at the library, but need to be alert enough to reach the library across campus alive.

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Note: I may have taken the last one too far. May have.

I also may have used the hell = hellmouth joke more than once, and it wasn’t funny the first time. These things happen.